|
|
Sep. 3rd, 2005 @ 07:36 pm
|
|---|
|
www.xanga.com/fallinglettersCurrent Music: system of a down |
|
To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal ... Lock it up safe in the coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket ... it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable ... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.
-C.S. LewisCurrent Mood:  contemplative Current Music: The Decemberists |
|
Last week me and Ryan Warden and Candis Garner went up to Little River Canyon to do a little cliff jumping. We just chilled out on the rocks all day and took naps and read, and jumped, and swam and climbed. It is this sweet little place that just has an awesome river running through it and a sweet waterfall and it is just rocks and woods and you can chill out and get a tan. There are these 2 rocks that stick right out over the waterfall, like, you are literally farther out then where the water is and the rocks are just hanging there. They are sweet to sleep or read on. I think we are going again tomorrow. But alot more people are going. Cliff Jumping at Little River Canyon is illegal because people have died there. It is a $250 fine if you are caught doing it.
Come to the Samford Soccer tournament this weekend. First game is tonight at 7:00 p.m. The girls are AWESOME this year!
I am working in the Residence Life Office Right now and I'm on the phone with Recycle America trying to see if they will come give us a bin and come pick it up once a week or something. We throw away alot of paper around here.
I need: a room telephone, bottled water, text books, an infinte gas card, and a 3 hole punchCurrent Mood:  anxious Current Music: Copeland-Beneath the Medicine Tree |
|
 Current Mood:  good Current Music: Wilco |
|
i don’t remember meeting Him
He had just always been there.
when people ask me, “how did you meet the Lord?”
i don’t know how to answer.
meeting Him seems unavoidable
recognizing Him can be tricky
loving Him seems impossible.
people often ask that too – “do you love Jesus?”
and again i’m stuck for an answer
i know the right one – the answer you’re supposed to give
i know that it presupposes so many things that it could hardly
be honest
so i say
as much as i love,
i love Jesus.
if love was easier, i would love Him more
but then again
if love was easier, it would hardly be worth the little
it would ask
if i was stronger, i would love Him more
or maybe
i would more know how little i love
we grow slowly,
and love takes time …
He’s always been there
even in that dark room where i
slept as a child
scared of the dark
in that room that seemed to want
to suck me deep into the night’s
great lungs
i hated the thought that we were all
hanging upside down – off the bottom of the world
and that all that darkness out there that we
might fall into
was just a shadow of our own selves
just a shadow you could fall through forever.
she said that You were out there too
and then she’d tuck me in so tight that i would likely be safe
till morning
but no woman – not even your own mother
can kiss you without mixing some unspoken sorrow
into her affection
and i always thought
she might be kissing me good-bye
as well as good night.
my aunt said that Jesus would knock on the door of my heart
and if i would open the door
He’d come in and sup with me
and when i was old enough to be ashamed of trying to tether
myself to my mom
(with that last desperate good night)
i decided
that instead of lying there being afraid
i would listen for His knock.
i heard all kinds of things
scary things
amplified by the dark
and by my nervous and hopeful listenings
was it the voice of Eli? or the call of God?
was it the limbs of the trees outside?
or the knock i was to open to?
i did not worry about what Jesus would find to eat if He came in
i was a child and knew that out of a crowd
a boy would most likely have some fish and some loaves
but i am no longer a child
i am no longer afraid of the dark
i have new things to fear
i am no longer afraid that i will drift away from this world
i am afraid i will never escape it.
and i’m not afraid of good-byes
i’ve become so used to them it scares me.
i have never heard any knocking sound
that was distinct from every other noise
but i have learned to listen
and i’m thankful for learning
i don’t know that the rumble of the thunder
or the crackle in a good fire
or the hum of my wheels
is the sound of Jesus knocking on
the door of my heart
but i’m thankful to Him for all
those sounds
and for giving me ears
and for teaching me to listen.
i don’t know that the lonely ache that i
feel – even when times are the best
and friends are near –
is the way that it feels when He knocks.
when He calls,
but i’m thankful to have a heart.
i don’t know that He would like everything in it
or that He would find any fish or loaves anymore
or much besides stone and snakes.
but sometimes
i get really brave, and
if i don’t open the door
i at least unlock it
and when i look in
or when i look out
i can see that He’s just always been there.
meeting Him seems unavoidable
recognizing Him can be tricky
loving Him seems impossible.
we grow slowly,
and love takes timeCurrent Mood: good Current Music: Rich Mullins, Nickel Creek, Shane and Shane |
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
I have not been in a good mood lately. Not being in a good mood puts me in a worse mood. I need to go read the Bible. My bad mood carried over into my shopping. I'm really upset about that too. I was walking around Wal-Mart cussing out loud and stuff. I'm glad none of my friends were there. I don't like to cuss. I used to really like to cuss. Cuss words are pure ecstasy when you are 12, buzzing in the mouth like a battery on the tongue.
Let me replay it for you in my head:
I walked around Walmart for about 20 minutes looking for thumbtacks. "Effing" thumbtacks. Totally normal household appliance, should be a cinch to find right? WRONG. I walked all over that store. I was in the hardware section searching everywhere and I ran into a Walmart employee who probably got into the country like, this morning. I asked her where the thumbtacks were. She thought about it for a second which is not a good sign. Finally she said something like, oh those are in houseware. Fine thanks. I walked across the effing store to houseware stuff. I see a guy. Hey man where are the thumbtacks? Hardware man, you're on the wrong side of the store. "Bitch!" I said out loud. That woman totally didn't know where the thumbtacks were, let alone what state she's in, and so she just sent me to the other side of the store so someone else could deal with me. I'm pissed.
The night manager of the walmart on lakeshore is named Mike.
I'm not proud of myself, I feel bad about it.
...I just talked to Brandon so I'm feeling a little better. Plus, the Glade Plug-In Hawaiian Breeze scent that I bought while I was on my quest for thumbtacks is filling the room so that is making me semi happy.
Aug. 18th, 2005 @ 10:43 pm
|
| » Play Crack The Sky |
|---|
Send out an S.O.S. call
It's a quarter past four in the morning
The storm broke our second anchor line
Four months at sea, for months of calm seas to be pounded
The shallows off the tip of Montauk Point
In calm rows, they travel fast and alone
One hundred foot faces of God's good ocean gone wrong
They call, "Love is a risk to always get hit out of nowhere by some wave and end up on your own"
The hole in the hull defied the crew's attempt to bail us out
Flooded the engines and radio
Half-buried bow
Your tongue is a rudder, steers the whole ship, sends your words past your lips, keeps you safe behind your teeth
But the wrong words will strand you
Come off-course while you sleep
Sweep your boat out to sea
Or dashed to bits on the reef
Vessel groans, the ocean pressures its frame
To the port I see the lighthouse through the sleet and the rain
And I wish for one more day to give my love and repay debts
The morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west
They say that the captains, stay fast with the ship, through still and storm
But this ain't the Dakota and the water's cold
Won't have to fight for long
This is the end
This story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear
This is the calm
Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathe will heal me underneath
I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea… after the storm
I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean
I know that this is what you want… right here with me
A funeral keeps both of us apart… washed up on the beach
You know that you are not alone
I need you like water in my lungs… this is the end
Aug. 16th, 2005 @ 02:33 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Aug. 16th, 2005 @ 12:34 am
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Tonight I went to Airwave Studios with TJ for a few hours. The music is sounding really really good. It made me want to start writing more.
Aug. 15th, 2005 @ 11:22 pm
|
| » if i die... |
|---|
if i die i want tyler bender to play at my funeral. he will know which song, it talks about the rain.
i also want tj tims to play. alot of songs. if not any that he wrote, i want him to play hard to get by rich mullins, and another one by rick elias. he will know which one.
i don't want my grandfather to preach the funeral but if he can, i want him to share the plan of salvation.
contact information for tj and tyler are in the back of the notebook full of music. you know which one. it will likely be somewhere close to me.
i'm not sick or anything...but i was just thinking
Jordan M. Goebel
Jun. 22nd, 2005 @ 05:22 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Summer time and the wind is blowing, and it's chilly
And I don’t know, what I’m doing in this city,
The sun is always in my eyes,
It crashes through the windows, and I’m sleeping on your couch,
When I came to visit you,
That’s when I knew... that I could never have you,
I knew that before you did,
Still I’m the one who’s stupid
And there’s this burning, like there’s always been,
I’ve never been so alone, and I’ve never been so alive.
Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by,
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes, and you don’t mind, you smile,
And say the world doesn’t fit with you.
I don’t believe you, you’re so serene.
Careening through the universe, your axis on a tilt, you’re guiltless and free,
I hope you take a piece of me with you,
And there’s things I would like to do, that you don’t believe in,
I would like to build something, but you’d never see it happen
And there’s this burning, like there’s always been,
I’ve never been so alone, and I, I’ve never been so alive,
And there’s this burning, There is this BURNING
Where’s the soul? I want to know, new york city is evil
The surface is everything, but I could never do that,
Someone would see through that
And this is the last time, we’ll be friends again
And I’ll get over you ,you’ll wonder, who I am.
And there’s this burning, just like there’s always been,
I’ve never been so alone, alone, and I, and I, I’ve never been so alive, so alive
I go down to the coast. it starts to rain, I paddle out on the water alone,
Taste the salt and taste the pain. I'M NOT THINKING OF YOU AGAIN,
Summer dies and swells rise, the sun goes down in my eyes, see this rolling wave, darkly coming to take me, home,
And I've never been so alone, and I’ve never been so alive.
Jun. 10th, 2005 @ 02:15 pm
|
| » Key Largo is right |
|---|
YEAH DUDE!
What's up you guys? I am in the Key Largo Public Library trying to type all of this before my time limit is up.
For those who do and don't know, I am living down here this summer with my friends Nathan Ferris Stenstrom and Gregory Matthews Aitken.
It's sweet. but I don't want to talk about it. Call me if you want to talk about it.
I joined a soccer team down here. It is sweet. We have our first game Monday night. Pray for us. Loud guitar. Plug me in. Where is my microphone?
Flying to B'ham to shoot a wedding in July. 5 days. alot to do. what's in your wallet?
Probably gonna travel around Ga, TN, SC, and NC, for the last couple of weeks of the summer before school starts back.
We are gonna steal the mile marker 0 sign down here.
That is ok!
Jun. 10th, 2005 @ 02:13 pm
|
| » Sanctuary |
|---|
I want to tell her but I don't
I need to touch her but I won't
I open up my mouth to say
But then I take a step away
Afraid to scare the one I know won't stay
and I see her sitting there
All alone she looks so scared
I want to be there by her side
To tell her "Everything's allright
You don't have to be scared tonight"
I want to tell her but I don't
I need to touch her but I won't
I open up my mouth to say
But then I take a step away
Afraid to hurt the one I know won't stay
and When she bows her head to pray
Will an answer come today?
I hear her crying in the night
"Father be with me tonight,
I need your strength here to survive"
"I just can't make it on my own,
Sometimes I wish you'd take me home,
God I just feel so alone!"
She needs a Sanctuary
She needs a place to run and hide
Sanctuary
A friend she can confide in
I want to be a Sanctuary
i want to be a sanctuary
Not me. Not now.
It's too soon. And how,
did I get here? Don't know where I am.
But I'm running from you, Cause I can't take the truth.
And I know that I'll never be just who you want me to be.
I'm not a sanctuary
I'm no place to run and hide
I'm not a sanctuary
and I can't let you inside this time
Not this time
I'm not a sanctuary
I'm no place to run and hide
I'm not a sanctuary
But I'll be there when you cry.
I want to tell her but I don't
I need to touch her but I won't
I stretch out my arms to to say
but then I take a step away
Afraid to chance the truth you might not stay
May. 19th, 2005 @ 09:52 pm
|
| » Halelujah |
|---|
I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the lord
but you don't really care for music do ya
Well it goes like this the fourth the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
you saw her bathing on the roof
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to a kitchen chair
she broke your throne and she cut your hair
and from your lips she drew the hallelujah.
Hallelujah,hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
You know, I used to live alone before I knew you
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah,hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Well there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me do you
but remember when I moved in you
and the holy dove was moving too
and every breath we drew was hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Well maybe there's a god above
but all I've ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah
May. 17th, 2005 @ 09:39 am
|
| » verse 1---Missing In May |
|---|
She sits back in her seat and says
no one's ever lost
but I've been drivin' for an hour and
I don't know where we are
And my car is still packed
with stuff from our last date
And I remember there's a map
but it's of a different state
And I'm pissed cause I've been drivin
and I've wasted too much gas
But with my fingers laced in her's
I know that I can't let this pass
So I brake and stop the car
on a road in God know's where
and I lean across the seat and put
my fingers in her hair
And I pull her next to me
and I kiss her lips so dear
and i pull her face right next to mine
and I whisper in her ear, that...
Chorus
I'd rather be lost with you
than to know my way, by my-self
And I'd rather be lost with you
Than to be there, with somebody else
May. 12th, 2005 @ 08:50 pm
|
| » ...most of it--- Tears From A Stone |
|---|
Many years of pain, have caused me to fall,
And because of this, around my heart, I put up a stone wall.
I decided not to love again, just ‘cause I was scared,
To have to face that hurt again, I just wasn’t prepared.
I’d always dreamed about true love, of the sunshine and the rain,
But then I thought about the past, and decided, it wasn’t worth the pain.
I couldn’t give my heart away or let anyone inside,
And even from little thoughts of love, I’d run away and hide.
And every time that I was hurt, I’d stack another stone,
Until there was more rock in me, then any kind of bone.
And then my wall was strong enough, to keep anyone away,
And I decided it would keep me safe, and that this was how I’d stay.
I decided not to love again, so I wouldn’t have to face the pain,
I never thought about the rainbow, that always comes after the rain.
So I’d never have to face the hurt, or get pierced by the thorn,
But I’d never get to hold the rose, that God picked before I was born.
And then when I met you, I felt a little tear,
I wasn’t crying for pain or joy, I was crying because of fear.
But my face wasn’t wet, I wasn’t crying from my eyes,
I could feel my heart tremble, this tear was coming from inside.
This fear was inside of me, because I wanted so much to love,
Could I ever tear this wall down? I tried to push and shove.
How could I ever love you now? The wall had been up for so long,
But from the first time I looked into your eyes, I knew the wall was gone.
I can’t tell you what you’ve done for me, and how you’ve set me free,
You taught me how to love again, you taught me how to see.
You knocked the wall down from inside, that kept me from being whole,
And from the moment that you smiled, it was my heart that you stole.
I know that what we have is real, and that forever it will last,
Every time that I’m with you, I forget about the past.
May. 12th, 2005 @ 08:38 pm
|
| » only 2 minutes left |
|---|
all i've ever wanted was someone who'll come after me
May. 12th, 2005 @ 01:14 am
|
| » i can't stand here waiting |
|---|
i can't say one more time
i see your face and i am fine
and every time i see you i fight for words
and though i try to reach you and i can't feel
i can't stand here waiting thinking about your smile
all the lights are fading on the miracle mile
and i can't stand the colors that remind me of the past
how could i be so stupid to think this would last
and i can't stand here waiting
and i look out to the broken glass sky
lights turned down, they fade into night
and every time i see you i fight for words
and though i try to reach you and i can't feel
i can't stand here waiting thinking about your smile
all the lights are fading on the miracle mile
and i can't stand the colors that remind me of the past
how could i be so stupid to think this would last
and i can't stand here waiting
and i can't stand here waiting
May. 9th, 2005 @ 07:04 pm
|
| » not for the girl that you think it's for |
|---|
Your life has been so hard
It's dried up angels that can't keep guard
I'm trying to reach your hand
But I'm on fire
I never planned to fade... away
Stay with me
Stop pretending when they say that you're nothing
Are you sad?
Are you holding yourself?
Are you locked in your room?
You shouldn't be..
I'm drowning inside your head
Help me to answer
Help understand
Why it's been so long since we talked like friends
Please, forgive me,
I'm just a man
Whose made mistakes
Stop pretending when they say you're nothing
Are you sad?
Are you holding yourself?
Are you locked in your room?
You shouldn't be..
May. 2nd, 2005 @ 03:45 pm
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
lets_getlost's journal